by marianne
(trumbull CT)

I am a mother of twin 2 and a half yr old boys!!

First let me say I LOVE THEM with ALL my Heart!!! Lately however it has been ROUGH to say the least. The older of the boys has developed some behavioral obstacles we will say. I have tried time outs and redirection with no to poor results.

I am consistent, I have had to do this in the past with the younger who would also hold his breath until he passed out, our care plan for that was implemented and ended with EXCELLENT Effect. I am concerned with my older due to that he is NOT responding.. and I am now at a loss. I am crying myself to sleep and thinking of seeking professional intervention... Any one have any ideas or have you been through this yourself and have any advice?

Thanks.. I am searching for a way to help my son. I am finding that I am tired out and outnumbered. I hate to yell and I am resorting to that at time and these time are increasing.. I need to figure out a solution.

Also another visitor's question - Throwing Toys?

My son is almost 2 years old. While at daycare, he acts out when other parents arrive to pick up their children. For example, one mother was picking up her daughter and while the mother and daycare person were speaking he decided to throw a big toy truck across the room. Usually he screams and throws himself on the floor.

We think he's crying for attention but not sure because he only does it when a parent stays for more than a few minutes. What other techniques can we use besides timeout to discipline him for his actions? Obviously spanking is not an option.

Dr Maud answers
The solution for each of these problems is similar, so I'll answer them both on this page.

I think you have to try and work out what your son gets out of the behavior. It may seem at first glance that it's nothing but it will be something.

Use the ABC technique outlined on the Toddler Discipline page.

So the A is antecedents - what happens before the behavior you are concerned about. Think about it carefully because it may not be as obvious as you think.

Then note the B - the behavior.

Then C - what is the consequence of the behavior. Again it may not be as obvious as you think.

Look at these things carefully and hopefully that will give you a clue to the dynamic. Once you know that, you can make changes and those will help change the behavior.

My other key advice is to remain centered when your son acts out. Take a deep breath, close your eyes if you can, and just let the past wash away and let any future concerns wash away (if only for a few moments). Just be in this moment. Feel strong and firmly grounded. And then deal with the situation in a calm yet assertive way. With all your energy in that moment. Children feel energy and this one change alone may be enough to help with your older son's challenging behavior.

Good luck

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