A LITTLE HELP PLEASE! Whining Child

I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL 2 1/2 OLD DAUGHTER (AN ONLY CHILD) WHO USED TO BE SO SWEET BUT NOW. SHE IS DEFIANT, NEVER LISTENS, WHINES/CRIES OVER EVERY LITTLE THING. SHE HAS BEEN IN DAYCARE SINCE SHE WAS 3 MONTHS OLD AND WAS A MODEL KID. WHILE THE OTHER KIDS RUN TO THE PLAYGROUND WHEN THE TEACHER OPENS THE DOOR-MY DAUGHTER WAITS UNTIL SOMEONE TAKES HER HAND, OR IF SHE IS TOLD TO GO TO WASH HER HANDS SHE SIT ON THE GROUND AND WHINES AND CRIES-SAME AS WHEN SHE IS TOLD NO. I AM SURE I DO TOO MUCH FOR HER AND THIS IS PART OF THE PROBLEM ( I HAD 4 BROTHERS TO KEEP MY COMPANY AND HAD TO DO FOR MYSELF). HOW DO MY HUSBAND AND I DISIPLINE HER SO WE ARE NOT RAISING A SPOILED LITTLE DIVA? MY HUSBAND HAS GONE AS FAR AS BANNING PLAYING DRESS UP/PRINCESS PLAY. I COULD USE SOME GOOD SENSIBLE ADVICE AS I AM SO STRESSED AND CONCERNED. SHE IS A VERY BRIGHT AND BASICALLY A GOOD KID-I FEEL SHE IS REALLY TESTING US NOW AND I AM FAILING! a LITTLE HELP PLEASE!

Dr Maud Answers:

Your 2 year old is exerting her independence and her will to have everything her way. That's a normal thing for her to try - it's up to you to teach her it won't work and she has to live as part of a family.

First of all, you need to identify the behaviour you want to change - I would say the whining. You need to ignore it and make sure it isn't rewarded. So you can't give in. If you have to put up with the whining, she needs to know that you are not happy - removing rewards, such as your husband has done, is a good idea.

I would set up a reward chart with your daughter, so every day she has been co-operative (so minimal whining), she gets a star. If there are 5 consecutive stars (or whatever you decide), your daughter gets a reward, like playing dress up. You could also remove stars your daughter has already received if she has been particularly troublesone with her whining.

Please check the following pages:
Reward Charts
Understanding Behavior
Toddler Behavior General Guide

Good luck